So, you may hear me saying from the previous posts, “There’s a problem with the world, there’s a problem with the people we date, there’s a problem with our self…“
“Sounds like a lot of sour ‘lemons!’“
Well…. “GREAT,” because, those “lemons” are just what we need to help make sweet “lemonade!” 🙂
Additionally, we need “helper” ingredients to extract the sweetness, refine the taste, and enhance the lemony goodness. Nothing artificial here, folks! 😛
“What?! Um, this is, ‘Dear Chronic Daters, Part IV,‘ no? Or is this ‘Lemonade 101?‘”
“Ah, yes, “chronic dating…”
So, of course you know, everything seems to be connected in this world (…in some “7-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon” kind of way). And, therefore (drum roll, please…:)), here’s a way we can compare making lemonade… to our chronic dating <cymbal CRASH>! 🙂
For us to transform the “lemon of chronic dating” into the sweet “lemonade of marriage,” we, too, need to seek and gather various “helper” ingredients for our self.
With these “tools,” we are enabled to self-reflect; reset our intentions and refocus our mind, body, and soul (like a laser honing in on a target). Further, we are empowered to visualize our goals; and to evoke positive, consistent self-talk, for example.
Specifically, the following resources serve as “our tools“: audio recordings (both spoken word and music), lectures, classes, workshops, videos, books, litergy, journaling, blogs/blogging, facebook, email, the Internet, counselors, mentors, clergy, friends, family – the sky’s the limit, friends.
Further, we need to ALLOW Space and Time for these ingredients to mix in with the “lemons,” or we will just have the same, acid, bitter “lemon juice” with which we started.
Included below is a prayer, a “tool,“ that was given to me by a friend, thankfully, when I was chronically dating. The content of the prayer resonated within me a sense of humility, direction, and purpose which brought a sense of peace, as well – to feel like I had a template, a guidepost to lead me.
Further, the prayer helped me “reset” and “rewire” my old attitudes, behaviors, values, and focus I had towards my self (which were, consequently, similar to the way I viewed “others” with disdain – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jewel/piecesofyou.html). Now, instead, I began to seek more enduring qualities and standards for myself AND for my potential spouse – with the purpose of buiding a home and life together.
…I began to look for the qualities I sought in “the mother of my future children.”
“Prayer for Finding a Wife“:
“Master of the universe: In your loving-kindness, You fashioned Your world and created man. You made him a helpmate and commanded us to marry and beget children. Your servants, our Sages, of blessed memory, exhored us not to delay this good deed. Man’s life in this world and in the World-to-Come are so dependent on a wife, but alas, due to our many sins we no longer have prophets or men of Divine inspiration to let us know who should be our suitable parner in performing this good deed.
I therefore appeal to You, merciful Father, with a contrite heart. May it be Your will, Eternal, my G-d and G-d of my forefathers, that You have compassion on me and provide me an admirable marriage partner, one who is G-d fearing, of good attributes, and good fortune, intelligent, successful, and blessed. Thus I will be able to focus on Your holy service. When a match with a suitable woman of such qualities is suggested to me, please help me with Your abundant mercy to settle the matter in a way that I will be able to fulfill Your commandment, so that it will be to my benefit in this world and the World-to-Come.
Compassionate, gracious, protective, supportive, rescuing, upright, and redemptive G-d, help me for the sake of the glory of Your Name. Do it for the sake of Your Name, Your right hand… and holiness. Favor me and hear my prayer, for You hear everyone’s prayers. Blessed is the One Who hears prayer. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing before you, Eternal, my Rock and my Redeemer.“
“Prayer for Finding a Husband“:
“May it be Your will, Eternal, my G-d and G-d of my forefathers, that you provide me, in Your great mercy and loving-kindness, my suitable marriage partner at the right time. May he be worthy of fathering,… be a G-d fearing scholar (of Your Word), and be descended from righteous, honest, and G-d fearing ancestry. Accomplish this as You did by providing a match for Adam, Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and Moses, each one at the appropriate time. May my future husband be good-natured, of pleasant ways and good deeds, gracious, learned, G-d fearing, charitable, and kind.
May he be devoid of defects and faults, and be humble and modest, rather than hot-tempered and irritable. May he be healthy and strong. Do not let anyone’s cruelty, hateful intentions, or deeds get in the way of my intended match. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing before You, Eternal, my Rock and my Redeemer.“
– From the book, “Aneni: Special Prayers for Special Occasions“
“…Take a little note – to remind you in case you didn’t know…”
– From the song, “Write This Down,” by George Strait (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/georgestrait/writethisdown.html)
Here’s to a “cool, refreshing drink” among friends… “To life” <clink!> :),