Parents/adults, really consider how your actions & words (positive and negative) – OR lack thereof (as in not setting examples or instilling values) – affect children, entire families, and cultural attitudes… for generations.
The Nail in the Fence
“There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.
When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.” A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.“
Know that your “s***” endures & impacts children into and throughout their adulthood.
Well…. “Just turn it off!” and “Fake it ’til you make it!“
If you believe that emotional distress is “solved” like a math problem – by logic, reason, rationale, mechanics, and arriving at a “right” answer – then you are likely one of the following:
1) you’re not human 😉 ,
2) you’re relating to feeling vulnerable yourself, so you are protecting your own “holes” from being exposed and having to acknowledge they exist.
3) you’re wanting to talk about your own distress but don’t know how, so you are protecting your own “holes” from being exposed and having to talk about them.
Like food and water, feeling safe is an essential,
foundational, basic human need.
In addition to the work of building our life AND contributing to society, some of us adults are having to work very hard, simultaneously, to fill-in the “holes” left open from our youth…
Please remember, voices carry – use your words to build up, not nail down a life.